The Decision

Should I return? Should I not return? That was all I could think about when I began my senior year at Penn State University in the fall of 2010. I knew the answer right away. Actually, I had known the answer when my plane left Madrid just six months before...

What a horrible plane ride that was! I was leaving Spain after four months of living and studying in Sevilla. I remember it as if it were yesterday. After boarding the plane, my friends took one last look out the window and fell asleep. And then there was me...crying uncontrollably and thinking this is it. I'm going home.

Later that day, May 14, 2010, I would be in good old West Chester, PA. I would be greeted by my best friends and family who could not wait to have me home. I would eat a Philly soft pretzel and a Wawa hoagie on my way home from the airport and wonder how I ever got full from the tapas I used to eat daily in Sevilla. My life would go back to the way it was and I told myself I would be fine. Many students study abroad and many readjust to life in the United States. I was confident I would be one of them. I would be someone who recognized that studying in Sevilla was a wonderful experience but it was something that had to end. I kept telling myself, "Be happy that you had the experience, feel lucky you had that opportunity, and move on."

And then it hit me. Culture shock...in my own country. The morning after I arrived, I woke up in the room I had slept in since I was six. I walked downstairs to the smell of breakfast cooking and my wonderful family waiting for me in the kitchen. Yes, I was home and I was happy to be there. But something was missing. I missed the excited "¡Buenos días!" I received from my Señora each morning as I shuffled sleepily into the kitchen to fix my coffee and toast. There never was a day when she forgot to make me coffee. It seems so simple now, but I will never forget the little things that she did for me, like making coffee, that came to mean so much to me. Then I thought of that same woman who set her alarm for 4 am the day before. She greeted me with her usual "¡Buenos días!", as awake as could be, as if it were just some ordinary day. And I'll never forget how she helped me with my luggage and stood in the doorway of her apartment and waved goodbye as I sat crying in the taxi that took me to the airport. Most of my friends said goodbye to their Señoras the night before. Some did not even say goodbye. But not my Señora. She was different.

I owe it to her for my return along with many other Sevillanos who helped make Spain feel like a second home to me. The Spanish people taught me the important lesson that language should never be a barrier to keep me from developing relationships with others. The Spanish people had an impact on my life and helped me reach my goals of learning another language. Since I have returned home to the United States, the desire to return to Spain has stayed with me. I want to return and help the Spanish people reach their English language learning goals just as they helped me reach mine. My experience in Spain clearly did not end after studying there as I had expected it to.

So as I sat in my house on Atherton Street in Happy Valley, PA this past fall, I wondered if I should return. I thought of my family. I thought of my friends. I thought of my boyfriend who's plans had taken him to the beautiful island of Maui. I thought of the life I would be leaving behind in the United States. I wondered what I would do if I was thousands of miles from home and did not enjoy what I was doing. I thought of my friends who were already hired and I wondered if I should do what most college graduates do...go out and get a job. Make money. Start my life...who cares if I like it or not...at least it's money...at least I'm secure.

And then I decided to take the chance and surprisingly, people were supportive. When I told my parents, they told me I needed to do this. I know they are going to worry about me until I step off that plane..back on United States ground on June 1st. But they are like most parents who want the best for their kids, and I realized they had the same voice in their heads that told them to let me go that I have in mine that is telling me to go. I am scared and nervous, but overall, I am excited. I am young and I have my whole life to work back in the States. So I am doing this. I do not know if this decision will be the best one, but there is only one way to find out and I will make sure I do everything in my power to make it the best decision I have ever made.

I will be nervous in the weeks leading up to my departure, but my boyfriend told me something I will keep in mind. He said, "Bridge, when you don't have anything to do except sit there and think about going away, you start doubting it because in the back of your mind you know you could have just stayed at home and played it safe. You could have been happy staying at home but all that will go away the second you step off the plane in Spain. It's hard to give up the comfort you had your whole life for something like this but it will make you better in the end."

I made my decision. I couldn't be happier with it. And despite the nerves, something tells me it's going to be great. See ya in September, Sevilla!